How to Give a Clit a BJ

By Sara Youngblood Gregory

First, forget everything you’ve ever read, seen, or heard about oral sex and vulva owners. Great head isn’t about spelling out the alphabet with your tongue, or powering through a terrible jaw ache. The best BJs are actually like your hottest make-out sessions: wet, dreamy, and effortless.

Together, we’ll demystify the art of giving vulva owners great head.

Talking Anatomy

The vulva is made up of a few main parts: the outer labia, the inner labia, the vagina, the urethra, and the clitoris. There’s a lot of undue mystery around the clit, but the clit gets hard and erect and loves to be sucked, just like a penis (hello, analogous structures).

Every part of the vulva’s anatomy is a potential point of pleasure—especially the clit with its 8,000 nerve endings—so get comfortable and get excited!

How To

First, get into a comfortable position. A great way to avoid a stiff neck is to have your partner lay on the bed with their ass close to the edge. Kneel on the floor and rest your partner's legs on your shoulders (or let them rest comfortably apart). You should be eye level with your partner’s vulva. If mobility limitations, chronic pain, or injury is an issue, consider using a sturdy table and chair or a sex wedge for a better angle and less strain on both parties.

Here’s where the make-out comes in: lick the clit, inner and outer labia, and vagina. Apply gentle suction to the clit and add pressure with your tongue along different pleasure points. Move back and forth between the clit and vagina, and get your hands involved, too. Let your hands wander the inner thighs and ass. Light scratches, gentle thigh bites, tickles, and strokes bring a lot of unexpected pleasure and feeling. Pay attention to your partner’s sounds, moans, and breathing—these are all cues about what your partner is loving.

Adding in Toys + Orgasming

Just as you might incorporate stroking or vibration if you were blowing a penis, you can also involve your hands and sex toys with a vulva. Try to stroke the G-spot with your fingers while sucking and/or licking the clit. This is an essential skill and go-to favorite for vulva owners—but can definitely make your hand or neck cramp up!

When you need a break, bring in your favorite vibrator—try using BE·ONE between your fingers to stroke the labia, gently brushing up against the clit now and again. Have your toys and lubricant at the ready so the transition between different types of stimulation feels more fluid. Teasing your partner will piss them off in a sexy way, and when they come really hard they’ll forgive you.

What happens if they don’t come? If you both had FUN, it’s okay. Not everyone orgasms from oral sex, and a beej can still be good if it doesn’t result in orgasm. The best blow job is the blow job you and your partner feel confident and excited about. Get creative, and keep practicing. You got this. 

Sara Youngblood Gregory is a queer sex and culture writer. She covers sex, kink, BDSM, disability, and wellness for queer and trans folks. Sara also serves on the board of the lesbian literary and arts journal Sinister Wisdom. Her work has been featured in Vice, HuffPost, DAME, Bustle, and Refinery29, among others. You may also know Sara from her sex-focused instagram, @sinister.spinster. For more of her work, visit her website.