Give a Better BJ

Image of man laying on back on bed, smiling, with illustrations of eggplants in white.

Did you know that March 14 is Steak and Blow Job Day? If you didn’t, that’s cool, because it’s a made-up holiday with questionable origins, but we’ll answer any call for people to explore each other’s bodies in a way that feels good.

So, fire up the grill or don’t, and check out these expert BJ tips from educator Ashley Manta:

  • Take your time. Make this an experience. Seduce your partner's senses by lighting incense or candles, putting on music, and encouraging them to recline in a comfortable position. Have snacks like chocolate or fruit nearby, and plenty of water (hydration is important for the giver AND the receiver)! You could even make it like a spa treatment and wipe down their bits with a warm wet towel first, just to help them relax.
  • Sucking is only a small part of a great blow job. Use your tongue, your lips, your (well-lubed) hands, and playful eye contact to help your partner feel like you're worshipping their bits!
  • Lube is your friend. Choose a nice, sugar-free flavored lube to stimulate saliva production and make the experience extra yummy!
  • Vary speed, pressure, and motions. Unless they've specifically said something like "oh yes keep doing that exact thing!" keep switching to different angles and techniques to see which ones they like best. Encourage feedback and make adjustments accordingly.
  • Don't stress about deep throating. Toys are excellent additions to a BJ and they can help mimic deep penetration sensations if your jaw or gag reflex aren't conducive to the real thing. The MANTA stroker adds a buzz to the base of the penis during your oral orchestrations, and the BE·ONE can be great for pinpoint stimulation around and behind the balls while you're licking, or down the shaft while you're focusing on the head. You can also give your mouth a break and use the COBRA LIBRE II for a few strokes!
  • Spit/swallow are not your only options! You could get your partner close and then hop on top of them to finish things off, or grab a hand towel for them to blast off into, or, if you're into it, have them explode all over your favorite body part!
  • Be present. This isn't just about their pleasure, it's about yours too—so if you're not into it, don't do it!


Ashley Manta is an award-winning sex educator and coach and has become a sought-after authority on mindfully combining sex and cannabis as part of her CannaSexual® brand. You can learn more about her at