By Ashley Cobb
Let's face it; we all love a good solo session. But have you ever heard of mutual self-pleasure? This might seem like a foreign concept, but it's essentially masturbating with your partner. Mutual self-pleasure provides many benefits that can enhance your sex life and relationship. You and your partner can become closer through mutual masturbation and gain a deeper understanding of one another's bodies and preferences as a result. Plus, it's safe for anyone to do. You can explore erogenous zones and try different positions, and besides, it also relieves anxiety and stress.
What Does Mutual Masturbation Mean?
Mutual masturbation is the act of masturbating together, though it can take many forms. Mutual masturbation can include masturbating in front of one another or stimulating each other's genitals. The options don't stop there. If you want to spice it up, you can incorporate toys into your masturbation, whether it's in the same room, via video, or even over the phone. Whatever you choose, mutual masturbation allows you to build a deeper connection.
The Benefits of Masturbating with a Partner:
There’s nothing more intimate than masturbating in front of a partner. You’re letting them watch and listen as you do something that most people only do behind closed doors. Not only does it give you a front-row seat to what they are enjoying, but also gives you a better understanding of their bodies. You can see how they pace themselves, where they prefer to be touched, and how they achieve orgasm. This information can be incredibly useful during partnered sex.
1. Increased Intimacy and Connection
Mutual masturbation can bring you and your partner closer together and increase feelings of intimacy. It shows a level of trust and vulnerability that can be hard to achieve in other ways. It also allows you to share a part of yourself that you might not feel comfortable sharing otherwise.
2. Learning New Techniques and Preferences
Are you and your partner interested in trying new things in bed, but not sure where to start? Mutual masturbation can be a great way to experiment with different techniques, toys, and positions. You can explore what feels good and what doesn't without the pressure of performing for your partner.
3. Heightened Arousal and Pleasure
There is no doubt that masturbation is an excellent way to increase pleasure and sexual desire, particularly for vulva owners. It is estimated that 70% of vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. By engaging in mutual masturbation, vulva owners can focus on the clit (or any other hot spot) however they like, for as long as they need to achieve orgasm.
What’s more, masturbation activates the pleasure center in the brain. The more you reward your brain's pleasure center, the more motivated you are to repeat the action that created the reward.
How to Try Mutual Masturbation
You and your partner can engage in mutual masturbation in a ton of different settings, so try a few to find out which is best for you. Pick a place where both of you can be yourselves in a safe and comfortable environment. You could do this on a couch, bed, or bathtub—anywhere you can explore your pleasure zones without inhibition. As you experiment, ask your partner how they are feeling and whether they are comfortable.
Talk About It First
As always, communication is key! Before diving into mutual self-pleasure, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your desires, boundaries, and expectations. Talk about what you're interested in exploring together and what you're comfortable with. By establishing clear communication and boundaries, you can create a safe and sex-positive space for mutual self-pleasure.
Expect Some Shyness
It's normal to feel nervous or shy during mutual masturbation. But keep an open mind. Don't let yourself get preoccupied with how you look or sound while masturbating. Knowing your partner is also excited should ease any self-consciousness and help you relax.
Take Time to Set the Scene
Set the scene, as you would with any other sex act. Create a space that speaks to all of your senses, incorporating things like soft mood lighting, scented candles, and a sexy playlist. Keep toys, lube, and any other props within reach as well. Also, remember to observe your breath and look into your partner’s eyes during the act to stay fully immersed in the moment.
Bring Sex Toys Into the Mix
Sex toys aren't just for solo play. In fact, incorporating sex toys into mutual self-pleasure can add a whole new level of gratification and excitement. Consider using a vibrating toy, such as COBRA LIBRE II, during your next mutual self-pleasure session. COBRA LIBRE II envelops the penis head in rumbly vibration, and it’s perfect for mutual masturbation, because it can be used hands-free. That leaves your hands free to stimulate other parts of your body, like your nipples or testicles, or to touch your partner.
If you’re working with a vulva and want to use a hands-free toy, STRONIC PETITE is a self-thruster with a uniquely satisfying design. Its rippled shape massages the vaginal walls for all-over pleasure, while you use your hands to stimulate your external clit or your partner.
The Bottom Line
Mutual masturbation is an underrated activity that can bring many benefits to your sex life. It allows you to communicate better with your partner, learn more about their body, and increase feelings of intimacy. It's also a FUN way to experiment with new things in the bedroom and relieve stress. So why not try it with your partner and see where it takes you?
Mutual Masturbation FAQs
Is it safe to masturbate with a partner?
While some may see the idea of mutual masturbation as uncharted territory, it's actually a pretty safe and potentially enjoyable experience. Not only does it allow for you and your partner to explore other's bodies and preferences, but it also removes any pressure to perform sexually in front of each other. And let's face it, sometimes it's just FUN to watch someone else pleasure themselves while you do the same.
Of course, as with any sexual activity, communication and consent are key. As long as everyone involved is comfortable and on the same page, mutual masturbation can be a great addition to any sexual repertoire.
Can mutual masturbation lead to pregnancy or STIs?
Mutual masturbation cannot lead to pregnancy when you are not exchanging fluids—unless you happen to be Superman and can somehow impregnate someone through hand-to-genital contact. As for STIs, the risk is low, but not impossible. So, make sure to keep your hands clean and your genitals apart if you’re concerned. And as always, communication with your partner and regular STI testing can keep everyone safe and happy.
What are some techniques for mutual masturbation?
A popular technique is the getting into the 69 position, which can be very effective during mutual masturbation. As one partner lies on their back, the other lies on top facing the other direction. This enables simultaneous access to and stimulation of each partner's genitals.
If your position allows it, don’t forget eye contact. Eye contact boosts the effectiveness of mutual masturbation techniques. By maintaining eye contact, you can foster intimacy with your partner.
How often should I engage in mutual masturbation with my partner?
The answer to your question lies in—you guessed it—communication! I know, I know, not the sexy answer you were hoping for, but hear me out. Truthfully, there is no magic number. Like most things in relationships, it's all about dialog and consent. Discuss it with your partner and figure out what works best for both of you.
Maybe it's a weekly ritual, maybe it's a monthly treat, or maybe it's a spontaneous activity that happens whenever the mood strikes. The beauty of mutual masturbation is that it's a low-pressure and intimate way to explore each other's bodies, so why not experiment with different frequencies and find your sweet spot? As long as both partners are consenting and enjoying themselves, there's no such thing as too much or too little mutual masturbation!
Can mutual masturbation help improve sexual performance?
Mutual masturbation may not be your first thought when it comes to improving sexual performance, but research suggests that it can actually be a powerful tool. By exploring your own body while observing your partner, you can learn what works best for both of you and communicate more effectively in bed. Plus, there's no denying the electrifying tension that comes from watching your partner pleasure themselves.
Can mutual masturbation be part of foreplay?
Mutual masturbation is the perfect foreplay activity. Foreplay is the appetizer to the main course, and everyone likes a little variety. So, if it’s not already a part of your practice, why not spice things up with a little mutual masturbation? This playful act allows you and your partner to explore each other in a whole new way, while building anticipation for what's to come. Plus, it can lead to numerous orgasms on its own.
What are some common misconceptions about mutual masturbation?
Mutual masturbation is a great way to explore your desires with a partner. But unfortunately, it's still a taboo topic for many people, leading to some common misconceptions. One such myth is that mutual masturbation is only for those who can't have "real" sex. But let's be clear: All types of sexual activities—including masturbation—are real sex!
Another misconception is that mutual masturbation is only for couples who are physically unable to have penetrative sex. Mutual masturbation can be a fun and intimate activity for all types of couples, regardless of whether or not they are able to have penetrative sex. Ultimately, mutual masturbation is a safe and pleasurable way to explore your sexuality with a partner. It's time to ditch the misconceptions and get to exploring!
Ashley Cobb is the millennial microphone for Black women seeking ultimate pleasure and sexual liberation. She's a women's health and sexuality writer, media personality, and HIV activist known for her fun, down-to-earth, and practical sex advice. Ashley has been featured in top media outlets including Essence, HuffPost, Cosmopolitan, and Women's Health, as well as seen on Bravo's Love Match Atlanta. Ashley is a certified sex coach who currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, where she works as an HIV advocate for Black women.
This post was written by a guest blogger, and all opinions and ideas expressed are that of the author. All ideas included are for educational and entertainment value, and do not constitute medical advice.
